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What I want

[One of] the hardest thing[s] in life is to realize what you want. To some it comes easy; to others it never comes. A scary question for me right now is where I am on that spectrum. It’s certainly not on the “born with it” end, but is it on the “never comes” end?

More than half the battle – whether it’s in career or relationships – is conquered if you know what you want to do or be. It’s easiest for those for whom it’s not really even a choice: “I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to be a firefighter.” Having choices, in one sense, leads to a dilution of determination; it leads to self-doubt and uncertainty in the sense of “I wonder if I’d chosen to take that job offer…” or “How would it have been had I not pushed him away like that years ago?”

Think of those you know in your own life who’ve put in hours-turned-into-days of efforts toward a goal that won’t be realized for years to come, whether it’s medical school, becoming a lawyer, or something more personal. How many such people do you know who work so hard without a clear goal in mind to carry them through the arduous labor?

It’s my conjecture that there are very few stupid people in the world. Half the world suffers from mediocrity because of either restrictions from circumstances, to rise above which they lack the resources, including (but not restricted to) the mental resolve and/or maturity; the other half that suffers does so simply because they have nothing to work for, to strive for; to spend long days and longer nights in studying for a greater goal, because they’re not driven from within.

I don’t see any generally applicable solution to this affliction of the mind. Maybe we can help our children discover more things at an earlier age, but to start at such an elementary level would solve many of the world’s problem, and since it hasn’t been done yet makes me think it won’t be done in the near future. So once again, I don’t have a solution; I’ve only recognized the (my) problem.

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