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2/6/07

11:54 AM We divided land, we divided water, we even divided air in terms of flying zones. How’re we going to divide the sky in terms of pollution?

8:37 PM This could go one way or it could go the other. Divergent paths confound at every five paces. To do or not; to do this or that; the variety of my choices, past present and future, immobilize me from action, leaving me stranded and playing armchair philosopher to my own destiny.

Music drowns out mental noise. Writing presents another satisfactory diversion. I wonder with paralyzing horror what I would do if I couldn’t write. I’d simply die.

The things we want never happen. What happens we discover too late is just what was needed. Much desired gratification never comes in time. My willing it will make it happen, and still if it doesn’t; the simple step I need to take will always be more than arm’s length away to grasp and carry out.

There’s anger in the conscience that cushions the fall from pain. “Why should I?” after all, I ask indignantly. Even feigned ignorance is satisfying sometimes. It fills the criterion to more easily recuse yourself from simple action.

Keep coming back, keep checking. Nothing ever changes. Ideas, thoughts, emotions, all pile up strong as a house of cards waiting to get blown away by the slightest wind. If not this then what else is there, at least for now? Yesterday’s long gone, taking with it the false promise of a better today.

A fleeting emotion flies chaotically like paper in that slight wind. Track its motion and soon your eyes will tire. There’s no logic to its motion, only beauty. But ask the emotion what it feels and tearful eyes will drain you from pity.

Thriving one moment, just alive the next, gasping for air a moment thereafter, and finally dead; these are the cycles of emotion, and they jump around from one to the next without warning or indication. Your head will be long lost before any viable explanation presents itself.

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