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3/11/07 / Library

12:15 PM Write. Write about it (what you wrote earlier). Then write about writing.

Observe -> Participate -> Critique -> Reobserve

12:47 PM There is high stigma in my mind about school grades deadlines and all that business. I post and analyze and critique articles here for my own education and entertainment, but if I had to do the same for a class I was taking, it would turn into a nasty chore.

12:57 PM Slowly you’ll exit. If I knew when I’d play Radiohead’s “Exit music” to see you out, with relief exiting my lungs.

1:12 PM If I had a house I would design a library. Somewhere I can sit with a coffee in hand, ample lighting and silence at hand to let me enjoy learning. Carefully I would plan it out, choose the furniture, consider the atmosphere and warmth. I would choose hardwood over carpet, fireplace over central heating, leather over fabric.

On the day the design and construction are complete, I would enter and stand in the doorway. Knowing what I already know, I’ll let my mind soar toward conjecture, imagining all that will possibly take place in this new additional stage I’ve created to act out my life.

What quiet nights, heated arguments, passionate love-making will transpire in this new abode? Who will be my friends, partners, persecutors, victims? Questions like this I’ll think about as I stand there, only a minute passing in the whole exercise because I think fast and frequently. Maybe for a brief second I’ll even lose myself, and Schrodinger’s cat will rub against my leg on its maiden entrance into the room.

1:32 PM Mythical and fictional, this elusive “you”, the one I always write about, is my lover. The world condensed, it’s every woman I’ve ever loved and every man I’ve ever known. Tens and hundreds into a picture mosaic of a word, retro-fitted.

9:10 PM Are small transgressions acceptable if they bring you closer to the greater goal? Can we jusfity them as necessary collateral damage?

9:22 PM hamaara bhi zamaana tha. hamaara hi zamaana hai.

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