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1/14/07

9:00 AM As long as I can dream I’ll be fine. I don’t mean dream as in having hopes and aspirations. I mean literally dream, at night in my sleep. That’s when I awaken to what’s happening within. Throughout the day I’m perfunctory in whatever I need to feed this stomach, but it’s at night, while I sleep, that I come alive.

The world’s mysteries unravel in my sleep. My own mysteries garner explanation, and nonsensically comical commentary proffers uncanny (often uncalled for) wisdom on the day’s concerns. If I write it down it’s for the world to learn. If not it’s my own jewel, that eventually I’ll share when it’s ready. Until then, I have something over you, and with that mentality we live, trying to be better than our neighbor. In my frustration and disdain for such exclusionary thinking, I’m going to be spiteful and carry it farther than is common.

4:26 PM Every time I go to the library, to the DVD section, without fail I see at least one South Asian couple searching for something good to watch. Usually they’re Indian (specifically South Indian, Sri Lankan), but sometimes they’re Chinese or Korean or something else. Generally there are multiple couples, usually without kids but also few with. They’re dressed pathetically, both the guy and the girl wearing fitting tapered jeans over running shoes. These days they wear sweaters and jackets, but other times of the year it’s plain t-shirts or blouses with cardigans for the women.

Today, specifically, the woman brought her husband The Longest Yard and he said something to the effect of I’m not interested because it’s a football movie. He spoke in a slightly caustic tone, suggesting she’s bothered him with something before that too.

Watching them, I think, good for them for wanting to acclimate to the American culture. My parents never did that. Even now my parents don’t really watch American movies or TV shows. Maybe because I know the travail of learning a culture on my own, I see clearly the downstream effect this learning will have on these people’s children and their children. I see it in the friends and acquaintances I associate with, whose parents probably did the same thing these couples are doing as new immigrants to a new land.

If the young men and women I know are any indication, these couples’ children will understand their parents’ native language but won’t speak it. They’ll converse with their parents in English. Traveling to the place their parents were born and raised in will be as foreign an adventure to them as traveling to Africa or South America. The language will be one degree more familiar than in those places, and the stories they might have heard from their parents will raise the temperature slightly so they warm up just a tad quicker than they would to someplace else.

But in the end, what counts is that these people and their families to come will be well-adapted to the culture of the land where they’ve come to make a new life. This is in contrast to the other extreme who don’t acclimate at all. I’ve known people like that too. They don’t learn the language, associate only with people from their homeland, and rely on their children as portals to the world at large.

My family is somewhere in between, and I’ve grown accustomed to that.

7:09 PM I haven’t felt like reading lately. I wonder why that is.

9:43 PM Five things you may not know about me:

  1. I went to three high schools and two colleges, and couldn’t make up my mind on what to study for two years, after which I chose something for the sake of choosing something.
  2. I feel closer to my grandparents than to my parents. I love my brother and wish I were closer to him.
  3. I’m interested in possibilities and people, and sometimes I set myself up to be let down by both.
  4. I’m going to leave my comfortable job and travel, something I’m afraid won’t be as grandiose and wonderful as everyone makes it seem. Not sure where I’m going yet; I’m open to ideas and thoughts, but eventually the mind’s got to decide on something.
  5. I have many more questions than answers, but that’s no secret to anyone who knows me even the least bit.

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